OLD DOGS

In director Walt Becker's new film, "Old Dogs", Robin Williams has a tattoo on his chest that says "Freemont" instead of "Free Man". He got this tattoo when his character (Dan) was fresh off a divorce and went to party in Miami. The reason his tattoo says this is because the tattoo artist could not speak a word of English. This story has absolutely nothing to do with the actual plot of the film, in which Dan and Charlie (played by John Travolta) have to take care of Dan's newly discovered twins because their mom is going to jail. Sure this little tattoo anecdote is unneeded, but it is still funny. These type of scenes are what save the movie from being a complete disaster.


The plot itself has some funny parts, but Becker's direction makes the funny scenes actually funny, and the rest of the movie, well, not funny at all. Williams and Travolta are good together, but the plot still wears thin in the last third of the film. The writers seemed to run out of steam by the last third and decided to create a conflict just to have some drama. They also seemed to not know how to get the children into Williams' hands, so they just threw the mother in jail. Therefore, there is no feeling of sympathy towards Vicky (the mom) and no need to see her scenes in jail throughout the film.


Williams and Travolta are adequate, but it is the supporting and cameo roles that really shine in the film. Matt Dillon plays Barry, the testosterone-filled leader of the camp Dan, Charlie, and the two kids visit. He steals every scene he is in, and plays the macho-role to comedic, over-the-top greatness. Justin Long plays one of Dillon's employees and is convinced Travolta stole his girl in the past. Long's crazy hair, half-goatee, and wild eyes make him the funniest crazy guy in the whole film. When he starts ripping on Travolta for past sins, Williams tries to get involved and Long simply says, "My beef is not with you old woman!". This might not sound funny, but Long delivers the line with such insane seriousness it turns into a knee-slapper. There is also a tear-jerking cameo by the late Bernie Mac as puppeteer Jimmy Lunchbox. Mac's performance is perfect, and he makes everyone miss his comic talent. Luis Guzman also provides some laughs as a "babyproofer" who baby-proofs Travolta's condo.


The best scene stealer out of everyone is Seth Green. Green plays the assistant to Williams and Travolta. He thinks he's slick, cool, and smart (which he is none). Instead of coming off arrogant though, he seems friendly,naive and is hilarious at the same time. When he loses himself in the scene of Tokyo (after he is transferred due to a major account that just closed with Dan and Charlie's sports marketing company) there is a feeling that he will be missed, and this makes his return to the film a great relief.


The movie itself is just not that funny though. The chemistry between Dan and Vicki is staggeringly low, and the chemistry between Dan and his son is even lower. On the flip side, the relationship between him and his daughter (played by Travolta's actual daughter) is surprisingly sweet and heart warming. The writing is not that good, so there are no laughs without the slapstick comedy. The physical comedy is actually pretty good, there is a hilarious Frisbee game at the camp, an extremely funny situation when Dan and Charlie's pills get mixed up with crazy side-effects, and a funny break-in into the zoo where Dan's kids are having there birthday party.


This film is not nearly as bad as all the critics say, the movie starts off slow and is way too long, but the cameos are surprisingly funny and not to be missed. The movie does not know where to go and when to stop either, and the performances do not make up for that one.


Verdict: WAIT FOR VIDEO


**.5/***** (2.5/5 stars)